The NSA has a website called “CryptoKids: America’s Future Codemakers and Codebreakers” and it is located in the NSA.gov domain. Two days ago the NSA introduced two new characters, the Cyber Twins who are into gaming and social media. In case this is your introduction to the NSA’s child-recruitment program, here’s a brief introduction to the other members of the “gang.”

Crypto Cat has white fur and grew up next door to a Navajo reservation, and she really flaunts her multi-culturalism. Decipher Dog is the true progeny of totalitarianism with a policeman father and an NSA mother. The Dog’s favorite project was the wireless network he developed for his home which allowed him to spy on his family members.

Joules looks like an approximation of an African-American squirrel who happens to play the saxophone (jazz band, naturally) and digs robots and anything electronic. Slate is a guitar-playing rabbit who enjoys mathematics and computers. He and T.Top the turtle are essentially the cool future NSA hackers.

Rosie (short for Rosetta Stone) is a precocious language analyst who hangs out at a university spying on a foreign students. Seargant Sam is an eagle in military fatigues who is, by his own admission, “really good at making and breaking codes.” The NSA recently introduced two new characters, the Cyber Twins.

On the NSA’s site, children can learn the maxim, “In the world of diplomacy, knowing what your enemy is planning helps you to prepare.” And then they can apply it in situations involving their personal schoolyard enemies, administrators or perhaps their parents if they’re particularly ambitious. Maybe they set up an informal network in their school to “prepare” for some undefined future triumph...

(triumph of the will, babies... this is pure, evil nazi shit, hitler youth-style -fc)